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5 Problematic Things In The Desi Rishta Process

Here is Everything Wrong with the Desi Rishta Process

Marriages are a part of the Islamic code for life. A marriage is prescribed as it gives you a partner, adds moderation into your lifestyle, and keeps you away from the path of sin.

However, Pakistanis have made marriages way more difficult and costly than in Islam. While asking for or giving “jahez”, spending millions on wedding ceremonies, and making life miserable for the newlywed couple with demanding families are all parts of what is wrong with the institute of marriage, the worst thing is the rishta process.

Read more about Why Pakistani Media is Obsessed with Weddings here.

Here is everything wrong with the desi rishta process:

1. Merits of Judgment:

The merits at which potential damads and bahus are judged at is getting ridiculous now. Women are expected to be beautiful, tall and fair, fashionable but not too modern, know how to cook, have a degree, preferably in medical sciences, and at the top of all that still be young enough to be in college.

22-25 is considered the perfect age, but it is highly unlikely you will find a doctor with a well-established career in that age group. 

Men are expected to have a well-paid career, be tall and handsome, and preferably not be living with parents. If a guy has a foreign nationality that is the best-case scenario. 

bride

2. Caste and Ethinic Divides:

Ohh another thing we inherited from Hindus. The caste system.

Syeds shall only marry Syeds, Rajpoots want a Rajpoot bahu that belongs to the right group within the caste, and the Shia, Sunni, Wahabis, and Ahl-Hadees can’t even think to marry within another sect.

While Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) set an example with each of his wives and daughters, that all Muslims are part of same tribe and can marry each other, the Pakistani Muslims are highly inspired by the Hindu social classes and caste differences.

crying bride

3. Rishta Tea Parties:

The worst thing is perhaps the moment of judgment, the tea party. In this era of digital media when you can find everything from photos to career information on the internet, aunties and their children still choose to go to people’s homes for extravagant tea parties.

It’s all good and harmless if you plan on taking the thing further. However, if your son or daughter has already rejected the prospect, what’s the point of going to a person’s house looking them up and down only to never call back again?

Rejections can be very hard for both men and women and can take a toll on your self-esteem. So please people, don’t meet if you don’t want to take the process to the next step.

tea party
Rishta Tea Party

4. Costly Rishta Agencies:

Someone benefiting from the ridiculousness of arranged marriages is the Rishta agencies and Rishta aunties. It can cost you something between 1k to 10k just to get some photos and phone numbers.

You can go around calling and meeting potential prospects with intel from the agency. If the match is successful you owe the matchmaker between 50k to 1lac.

That is really expensive for something you can get for free from Rishta websites or Tinder.   

rishta aunty

5. Demands:

Once the parents find the right spouse for their children then come in the demands.

We don’t want the bahu to work after marriage we just wanted a medical degree to show off to relatives.

We want the damad to move out of the parent’s house our daughter can’t live in the joint-family.

And the demands go on and on. From costly jewelry to the number of guests one side wants other side to entertain, the whole process till the wedding and even after is filled with negotiating and compromises. 

wedding scene from paray hut love
Clip from Paray hut Love

Marriages are supposed to be a lifetime bond between two people. Why have we made it all so materialistic? Instead of getting to know the other person, people are more interested in appearances, paycheques, and nationalities. And as the divorce rates are increasing, people find a way to blame women for not being good wives, instead of the ridiculous process that got two highly incompatible people together in the first place. So parents and their children need to self-reflect and keep their demands in check and get to know the potential spouse before saying ‘yes’. 

Learn the art of matchmaking here.